Y do ppl not learn fr their mistakes?

i tink i've become more resentful.. i'm losing my cool. dun tink i used to b lidat.. tink i used to b filled with lots of energy.. lots of enthusiasm. i was ever so willing to go e dist to help ppl.. ever so present to lend a listening ear to ppl.. ever so about to make things happen.

wat happened?

my instructor-colleague always chides at me for smiling in e sqn.. he say here ain't a smiling place.. u smile too much.. n such. but a smile doesn't mean anythin... of cos it can make someone else's day. it may make u look v frenly. but it doesn't mean a shit to me. it doesn't do anythin to me. if i'm miserable n i smile, i'm still miserable.

n y do ppl nv learn fr their mistakes? y do ppl swear not to do sth anymore, yet end up doin it again? Wars r fought again n again by countries who deem e war necessary. but aren't all wars unnecessary? n y do defences crumble again n again despite all e pre(s) tt occur? y do i feel so much like e much criticised person who nv learns from his mistakes? y do i offer sth when i so not wan to? y can't i juz keep my mouth shut when i realli shld?

y do i feel so lonely sometimes? y do i feel as if, wth, no one ever understands me. n if u do, den y aren't u helpin me? yes u, whoever u r, as long as u tink u understand me. y do i always feel so empty? wat's missing in me? wat is it that's making me lose it? or perhaps, i nv had it in e beginning? y can't i haf ppl in my shoes? or r there alreadi lotsa ppl who r, but i blindly ignore them?

i'm whining.. i tink i whine too much. yet i tink i keep much of e whining to myself. i guess tt's y i dun drink. i'm full of whine. but whine, i do not.. or do i?

i'm at terms with myself always, in e nite. sometimes, all too often, i juz wish i was somewhere along e beach or e jetty, alone or with a partner, juz silently listening to e waves n e breezes.

cos deep into e nite, sleep is not on my mind.. everything else is.