Lost

relogin-ed into friendster juz now cos it sent me a birthday reminder thingey to my yahoo mail.. i actually got new friend requests.. how amazing. i'm drained now.. aniwae.. ya was readin thru all e testimonials tt were flatteringly given to me. isn't it funny, how ppl always give u nice stuff bcoz these r publicly displayed? i remem a fren who went ard n juz typed loads of rubbish for his frens. back then, i also remem saying, aiyah, juz type sth nice for ur fren la! i mean, it's openly readable wat.. n ur fren probably ain't bad either.

praises come easy, dun they? esp when u r juz a lonesome fig, esp when u feel down.. ppl juz offer endless consoling words n flatter u to boost ur ego.. liven ur spirits.. cheer u up. juz lookin thru all those testimonials n i feel so useless. bcoz i dun live up to any of e nice n positive comments there. did i reali used to b lidat? wow. i'm amazed.

memories are usually so.. memorable.

but it becomes a burden when one lives in history, doesn't it? in every field of work out there, there's always tok of lookin back at history n learn from past mistakes. but wat if one looks back at history n ends up rooted in it? rooted in history, unable to pull one's anchor out of e depths of e sea. one reads n re-reads one's past.. one indulges in one's past, laments how e present has changed, how it was oh-so perfect in e past.

e past, has past.

and along with it, things haf been lost. some, are tangible losses. some, are intangible. some, u juz dun even noe u lost. but it'd b irresponsible to say "i've nv owned anything, so i din lose any". but-but wat is irresponsible? who r u to say tt another is irresponsible? who r u to say tt another has not put in effort to hold back losses? who, r u?

wat if, juz wat if, one has been letting all ownership pass one by? wat if, juz wat if, one has juz been a passerby in others' lives? or if one intends to be such? how, juz how, would it feel, for others, and for oneself?

i do not know.

senseless loss.. senseless losing.. senselessly lost.